Tumainisha
by Bellafiamma
Summary: What exactly does it take to bring two people together? Sure, love and acceptance...but a book?
1. A Special Gift

TUMAINISHA 

Title: Tumainisha

Rating: T

Author: Bellafiamma

Pairing: H/M Romance…of course….

AN: Hope you enjoy the story! Please send all feedback to Oh, and curious as to what Tumainisha means? It means . . . wait, I can't tell you now, what's the fun in that? VBEG)

PART I

§§§

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt.

§§§

January 22, 2001 Monday

1:00 EST

JAG HQ

Mac heaved a huge sigh as she sat down behind her desk. This week couldn't get any worse and the fact that tomorrow was her birthday. She gave a sardonic chuckle at that thought. Maybe it could get worse.

She was getting older and in her thirties, not any younger. She had broken up with Mic not more than three weeks ago, and while still dealing with that, a part of her was relieved. And when Harm and broken up with Renee, it was as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance with the man she did truly love . . . She shook her head at that and snapped open her briefcase. No, like the usual luck in her life, she would die the loneliest death of all . . . with her heart already being owned by someone else but no one to love her in return.

Mac glanced up at a knock on her door and forced a calm smile on her face even though her heart melted a little at his.

"Hey." Harm stepped into the office.

"Hey yourself."

Harm glanced around her office, glancing at the pictures, folders stacked in a haphazard fashion, and finally, back at Mac. He was debating on whether asking Mac or thinking of something else to do tomorrow. She might feel . . . uncomfortable with his idea. But he wanted to show her how much fun it was . . . minus all unexpected accidents.

"Yes?" Mac laughed.

"Tomorrow's your birthday, right?"

Mac rolled her eyes and groaned. "Must we rub it in?"

Harm followed suit and rolled his eyes. "Are you doing anything? I mean . . ." He stopped himself but his mind continued. 'I know Mic is gone, so you might not have any other plans.'

"No . . . I really don't want to celebrate how old I am." Mac half-grinned.

"But you want to celebrate how young you are." Harm flashed her a grin that made her give a full-fledged smile.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Well, I was thinking . . ." Harm began.

"Commander, the Admiral is having a fit about the Hunter Court Martial. He wants to review it . . . now." Lieutenant Bud Roberts interrupted them, looking a little flustered.

Harm nodded, knowing the Lieutenant probably sugarcoated what the Admiral had really said. "Thanks Lieutenant. I'll be right there."

Bud nodded before hurrying towards the Admiral's office, the phrase "please hurry" drifting after him.

Harm turned back to Mac. "I was thinking we could go flying. We're both caught up on all our work, we won't be missed for a day."

Mac's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Harm, I don't think . . ."

"Do, for awhile and if and when I get out of the Admiral's office, I'll get your answer."

"Harm . . ."

"Mac, I know last time wasn't a great experience, but it won't happen this time . . . I promise."

Mac gave him a withering glance, but something inside of her wanted desperately to take his invitation.

"If you go, I might get you a nice birthday present." With that, Harm hurried towards the Admiral's office, knowing he had already gotten her a great birthday present.

Mac shot his back a slightly disbelieving look while her heart was grinning a grin that would put the sun to shame.

§§§

5:30 EST

JAG HQ

"I see you survived the Admiral." Mac knocked on Harm's door later that evening as she was preparing to leave.

Harm looked up and chuckled wryly. They had been so busy that day they hadn't had a chance to talk. "Yeah, I'm still in one piece." He noticed she was carrying her coat and cover with her. "Are you leaving now?"

Mac nodded.

"Wait a sec and I'll come with you." Harm stuffed a few folders into his briefcase before following Mac out and shutting the door. They chatted as they headed towards the elevator and as they headed towards their cars, parked next to each other.

"So . . .?" Harm grinned wickedly.

Mac had confusion etched on her brows until it dawned on her. She unlocked her door and was about to get in when his strong hand rested on her arm, stopping her. She felt the warm, tingly sensation began at the spot of which his hand rested and then with the speed of light raced through the rest of her body.

"Uh . . ." She was racking her brain for what he was asking, her brain suddenly not working, when Harm helped her to it.

"Flying . . ."

"Yes, flying . . ."

"Good, you'll go! Call in sick tomorrow and meet me at the airfield tomorrow at 9:30. If you forget how to get there, just give me a call." Harm dashed off to his car before she could correct him.

Mac, still recovering from his simple touch, stared after him. "Sure . . ." She slowly got into her vet before pulling out of the parking lot.

§§§

8:01 EST

MAC'S APARTMENT

Mac had just sat down at her kitchen table, preparing to eat her dinner when the phone rang. She set the fork down and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mac!"

"Chloe! How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine . . . how about you? Have you and Harm gotten together yet?" Chloe's youthful and enthusiastic voice greeted her. 'Well,' Mac thought, 'maybe there would be good in this week. Hearing from Chloe seems like an auspicious omen.'

"No, Chloe . . . I told you before . . ."

"I know, I know 'it's against the regs . . . besides, Harm and I are just friends.'" Chloe did a mocking impression Mac.

"I'm glad to see you heard me when I was talking to you. Now if you could just fully retain that little bit of information." Mac smiled.

"Well, you guys will realize you love each other one day . . . I know it."

'I already do . . . I already do.' Her heart whispered so loud that she was afraid Chloe could hear it.

"It's your birthday tomorrow right?" Chloe asked.

"Yes . . . but don't spread the word." Mac kidded.

"Aw, Mac, don't be like those old people that get depressed on their birthdays. It's just another ordinary day, but you get presents and stuff!"

Mac laughed. "Easy for you to say. You're hardly thirteen."

"Well, I'm sure that handsome Harmon Rabb has a few gifts for you that I know you'll love . . ." Chloe's voice trailed off suggestively.

"Chloe Madison!" Mac screeched and was thankful Chloe couldn't see her blushing cheeks. She heard Chloe talking to Martha in the background for a second before Chloe returned.

"I'm sorry, I have to go, but I wanted to wish you happy birthday. Martha wishes you happy birthday, too."

"Thank you Chloe. You brightened up my week." Mac replied.

"I'm glad I did! Oh, and I sent you a little present. I'm not sure if you'll like it or not . . . I hope so! I'll talk to you later. Bye!"

"Bye Chloe. And thanks ahead of time for the present. You didn't have to do that."

"Yes I did. Because tomorrow is a special birthday. And this is a special present." With that Mac heard a click and she hung up. Shaking her head she headed back to finish her dinner, wondering what this present could be.


	2. where your treasure is

PART II

§§§

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Matthew 6:21

§§§

JANUARY 23 Tuesday

8:00 EST

MAC'S APT.

Mac woke early, feeling as if she was sixteen again. She had an energy in her she hadn't felt for a long time. An energy backed by excitement and . . . hope.

She smiled to herself as the sun cast it's warm beams across the room, landing on her face as if giving her a soft embrace.

She glanced at the clock. Eight o'clock. She had an hour and a half until she would go flying. Something inside of her was excited and she pushed all remnants of fear out of her mind. Nothing would happened. Harm had promised. And he never made a promise he didn't keep.

Jingo padded into the room a few minutes later, patiently waiting for his owner to snap out of her dream state and take him outside.

Mac heard his entrance and glanced over. "I'm getting up, I'm getting up."

Jingo placed his front paws on the bed and licked her face. "Why thank you! I had forgotten it was my birthday. And here I was hoping Harm would be the first one to wish me happy birthday." Mac laughed.

She snapped on the radio and, recognizing the catchy tune, began singing to a song as she got dressed.

Love doesn't come with a contract

You give me this, I give you that

It's scary business

When your heart and soul is on the line

Baby, why else would I be standing 'round

here so tongue-tied

Mac began dressing, not paying attention to the lyrics at first, but as she began brushing her teeth, the words caught her attention.

Baby come on in, the water's fine

I'll be right here, you take your time

Just let me hold you

And we'll both take that leap of faith

It's like I told you

There's no guarantee when you feel this way

If I knew what I was doing

I'd be doing it right now

I would be the best damn poet

Silver words out of my mouth

Well, my words might not be magic

But they cut straight to the truth

So if you need a lover and a friend

Baby, I'm in . . .

The final chorus drifted off and she flipped the radio off as she finished dressing, taking a couple of extra minutes to decide on the perfect outfit. She saw Jingo waiting by the door, staring at her inquisitively.

"What?" She exclaimed indignantly. "Can't a girl look nice for a day with . . . her friend?"

After a furious debate, she had decided on her favorite pair of jeans, which were fitting but not tight and a green sweater that complimented her figure. She put her make-up on with extra care and added a necklace to top it off. She slipped on her jacket and glancing at her watch she realized she would have to hurry. She still needed to take Jingo out and have enough time to beat Harm to the field. After all, a Marine can't be late.

§§§

9:33 EST

AIRFIELD

"I was wondering where you were." Mac smiled as Harm approached her. The sun was bright and the normally frigid air was now merely refreshing.

Harm grinned. "Very funny. I'm only two minutes late. And happy birthday." He reached his arms out for a hug.

"Thank you." Mac accepted the hug, thinking that was the best present ever and had to force herself out of his strong arms. "And it was three minutes and fourteen seconds." Mac corrected, peering into a bag he was carrying. "My birthday present?"

Harm looked at her with his usually "how do you do it?" look, then shook his head. "That comes later. I assumed you hadn't eaten breakfast. Am I correct?"

Mac grinned. "You know me well. And you can't take a hungry marine flying."

Harm feigned an expression of shock. "Are you kidding me? Come on, we'll eat on the bench over there."

They were seated and had begun eating, Mac pleased he had picked her up an egg McMuffin and hash browns, her favorite breakfast items, when she asked, "So, where are you taking me today, flyboy?"

"Not the same course as last time." Harm glanced up and chuckled softly.

Mac rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure if we took the same one we'd cr . . . have a mechanical problem and have an emergency landing and run into a bunch of psycho poachers and I'd get shot, the wound would get infected, and I'd be stuck in a hospital for two days."

Harm winced. He still felt guilty about it.

Mac placed a hand on his arm. "Harm, I was kidding. And I want you to know I don't blame you for what happened. It wasn't your fault. And that's not going to happen again. Remember, you promised." She grinned. "And . . .

"I never make a promised I don't keep." He grinned at her.

Mac grinned back but looked away as those words brought back another moment. She was getting older but also closer to the five-year mark. Did he still remember? And was he still for it? Shaking her head out of those thoughts, she finished her drink and stood up. "I have to use the little marines room, but when I get back you better be ready to go."

Harm laughed. "Aye aye, Colonel."

Mac shot him a mock glare before heading off to the restrooms.

Harm had gone over the pre-flight, twice, and they were ready to go. Mac hesitated hopping into her seat for a second. She had thought she had killed all her butterflies, but a few remaining ones took that chance to break into a gymnastics act. She was a marine, and a tough one at that, but a moment like the one in the Appalachian Mountains was hard to completely forget in a moment like this.

Harm noticed her hesitation and worry creased his brow. Maybe this was a bad idea. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, so as not to startle her. "You ok?"

Mac turned around, pasting a smile on her face. "Yeah." She exclaimed, a little too enthusiastically.

"Mac, if you don't . . ."

"Harm, I want to go." Mac looked into his eyes earnestly. "I really appreciate you taking me flying in your plane today. Making my birthday special. I'm not going to let some minor mishap I hardly even remember ruin this day. Are you?"

Harm smiled softly. "No."

Mac took a deep breath and nodded. "Then, let's go." She smiled and began to get into the plane, ignoring how her hands shook slightly. No, this would not be a repeat of last time. What were the chances something bad could happen? Besides, he had promised.


	3. Life Intervened

§§§

"Life intervened . . . isn't that about it? We make marvelous and intricate plans and then life - in the form of something wonderful, or something terrible, or something that isn't one or the other but is still demanding - makes us throw out the plans and start from scratch."

Toby the Splendid

§§§

"Wooo!" Mac exclaimed happily. They had been soaring through the clouds of Virginia for over forty-five minutes and Mac didn't want to land. She was getting a little taste of heaven.

Harm laughed along with her and it seemed just like another day, another day they had been trying to forget from the minute they had took off and had succeeded in the first five minutes.

"Harm, this is better than before!"

'That's because there are no poachers.' Harm thought, but kept the comment to himself.

"I'm glad you like it!" He replied.

"I do! I can't imagine a better birthday present!" She yelled into the wind.

"Do I have to keep telling you? This isn't it!"

"Well, it's a great one anyway!" She retorted and grinned.

They continued riding through the clouds and chasing the sunrays for an hour more until Harm turned back to land.

"How you doing up there?" Harm called.

"Great! All this yelling has worn me out, though!" She laughed.

"A Marine? Worn out? You're kidding me."

Mac groaned. Wrong thing to say to a squid.

"You better not be too tired for later." Harm said.

"There's more?" Mac asked.

"Yes, there's more." Harm laughed.

They filled their time back to the airfield with corny jokes and both were laughing as they landed.

"Wait, Harm, I've got a better one." Mac laughed, tears nearly spilling down her face.

Harm groaned but couldn't retain from laughing. Her musical laugh was just . . . he racked his brain for the right word. Contagious. And her smile . . . and 'alright Rabb, that's enough. If you let your thoughts drift now you'll never get them back on track and —"

"Well?" Mac turned in her seat to look at him.

"Huh?"

Mac rolled her eyes. "You missed the joke, Sailor. You have to get up earlier to keep up with a Marine."

Harm rolled his eyes. "Walked into that one." He couldn't remember corny jokes ever being so . . . funny. But then again, Mac always made everything ten times better.

He jumped down first and turned to assist Mac. Mac was still laughing and stumbled as she came down. Harm reached out a strong arm to catch her and she looked into his eyes when she straightened.

"Woah there." He whispered softly, meaning it to sound humorous and in jest, instead coming out breathy and soft.

"Thanks." Mac said back, still in a daze. The ensuing look seemed to go on forever until one of the flight mechanics walked past.

"Hey Harm. You ready to put this girl in the hanger?"

Harm unwrapped his arm from Mac and nodded. "Yeah, I'll taxi her in."

The man nodded. "I'll open the hanger for you." He tipped his hat to Mac before heading towards the hangers.

Harm turned back to Mac. "I gotta go put Sarah in and then I have some errands to run. But come to my apartment at 6:30, ok? And dress nice."

Mac nodded. "6:30 it is."

Harm waved goodbye and watched her walk away. The sun glinted off her hair, causing the highlights to shine with extra brilliance and he realized no one could ever look that good in jeans and a sweater.

§§§

MAC'S APT

6:00 EST

Mac had tried on four different dresses, all semi-formal, and slipped the fifth on with frustration. If she didn't find the perfect outfit soon she would . . . She stopped as she looked in the mirror. She wore a long black dress that hugged the complimentary places with a low, but not too low, neckline, and flared at the bottom. It seemed to flutter in slow motion as she walked. It was formal but not too formal . . . In other words, perfect. Smiling at her reflection, Mac touched up her make up before grabbing her purse.

"See Jingo? Your owner can choose an outfit easily."

Jingo raised his eyebrows alternately as if asking her whether she was sane or not.

Mac kissed his nose before grabbing a jacket and her keys. "I'll be back later Jingo." She locked the door behind her. Realizing a necklace would look appropriate, she mentally smacked her head in frustration. Not wanting to be late, she forgot the necklace and hurried to her car. No, she couldn't be late. Not on a special birthday . . . whatever surprised Harm was cooking up.


	4. Grains of Sand

§§§

"To see the world in a grain of sand, And Heaven in a wildflower; Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour.

William Blake

§§§

6:30 EST

HARM'S APT

Harm had finished lighting the candles and checked on the lasagna cooking when he heard her knock on the door. He felt a stray butterfly flutter in his stomach. He hoped this would be as special as he had planned it to be.

Walking over to the door, he turned the doorknob and opened it.

He stared at her for awhile without a word. He couldn't think of a word to summarize how beautiful she looked. Well, he really couldn't think much at all.

Mac, meanwhile, was busing staring at Harm's apartment. The table was set for two, candles and all, and a few vases of roses posed on various tables. She could even smell a wonderful scent wafting from the kitchen.

But she didn't miss Harm's attractive dark blue blazer, shirt and blue silk tie. Only Harm could make a simple outfit look like it was designed specifically for a model.

"Harm . . ."

"Come in." They began talking at the same time.

The both laughed, both thinking how they had never been this uncomfortable before and yet they had never felt this much at ease.

Harm took her jacket from her and hung it up.

"Harm, you didn't have to do all this . . ." Mac said, still surprised. No one, not even Mic, had done something like this before. Maybe it just meant more when Harm did it.

"Yes, I did." He said softly.

Mac was saved from a response when the oven's buzzard went off. Mac stared in disbelief as Harm pulled out, what looked to be a wonderfully cooked, lasagna.

Harm caught her glance and laughed. "Yes, I can cook."

Mac nodded. "I know, I was just fearing the worst."

"I have to ask. And that is . . .?"

"Why Harm's Meatless Meatloaf, of course." Mac laughed.

Harm carried the dish over to the table and placed a hot plate underneath before setting it down. "Hardy har. Must you ruin this dinner with your provocative statements."

Mac rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine, last one. I just hope this taste better than . . ." She was silenced by Harm's glare.

"Alright, alright. I'm shutting up." She laughed again.

Harm walked behind her and pulled her chair out for her.

"Thanks." Mac whispered, suddenly feeling her butterflies resurface.

Harm served two plates of the lasagna before sitting down.

"Mmm. This is delicious, Harm. What inspired you to make lasagna?" Mac said after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"Thank you." Harm replied. "And I remember you said you liked homemade lasagna once but never had time to make it. So I made it for you."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. But it really wasn't too hard."

"No, I mean thank you. For this day. For making what could have been a horrible day into something I'll never forget."

Harm smiled at the compliment. He was glad he could repay her with some of the happiness she had given him. Not just recently, but throughout their partnership. And now, with Mic and Renee gone . . . He stopped his thoughts there. 'No use getting ahead of yourself.'

They finished dinner in an amiable conversation and it was half an hour later when Mac leaned back, stuffed to the brim.

"That was good Harm. Thank you again."

Harm smiled. He wiped his mouth before standing and heading towards the CD player. Flipping a button, Mac smiled as the first strains of soft music drifted through the air.

Harm walked over to her and placed a hand on the back of her chair. "Would you care to dance?"

Mac smiled, feeling a bit awkward. "Of course." 'Is it possible for your best friend to become your boyfriend.' 'Sometimes . . . if you're lucky.' A past conversation drifted through Mac's mind as she stood up.

Harm pulled her chair out for her and assisted her to a spot on the hardwood floor. He placed a hand on her waist and with the other reached for her hand. Mac placed her hand on his shoulder and felt herself drifting away with the music.

Chances are you'll find me

Somewhere on your road tonight

Seems I always end up drivin' by

Ever since I've known you

It just seems you're on my way

All the rules of logic don't apply

I long to see you in the night

Be with you till morning light

I remember clearly

How you looked the night we met

I recall your laughter and your smile

I remember how you made me

Feel so at ease

I remember all your grace your style

Mac's sensations where heightened when she felt Harm's hand turn to rest upon the small of her back. She unconsciously let her hand move towards his neck and sighed almost inaudibly. But it didn't escape Harm.

And now you're all I long to see

You've come to mean so much to me

Chances are I'll see you

Somewhere in my dreams tonight

You'll be smilin' like the night we met

Chances are I'll hold you

And I'll offer all I have

You're the only one I can't forget

Baby you're the best I've ever met

Mac felt free yet she wanted to get closer. She felt Harm's breath on her neck and it was driving her crazy. It stirred the hair on the back and sent chills racing throughout her body. Then she felt his hand rest fully upon her back, open and sprawled. She couldn't help but taking a step closer, closer to loosing herself in his embrace.

And I'll be dreamin' of the future

And hopin' you'll be by my side

And in the morning I'll be longing

For the night

For the night

Harm was having his own share of dealing with self-restraint. She had moved closer and he didn't know whether or not she realized she had. Her hair was recently washed and smelled fresh. He couldn't help but lay his cheek aside it and inhale gently. It smelled like roses. He urged her forward more with his hand on her back.

And chances are I'll see you

Somewhere in my dreams tonight

You'll be smilin' like the night we met

Chances are I'll hold you

And I'll offer all I have

You're the only one I can't forget

Baby you're the best I've ever met

Mac gave up trying not to loose herself in his the dance, in the music. She had the moment she felt his arm around her. The minute she had looked into his eyes as she had stood up from the table.

The music had stopped, but neither of them realized it until a few moments later.

They stopped swaying to the non-existent beat, still wrapped in their embrace that threatened to never break. Harm was the first to step back but both felt the loss of contact.

"Thanks for the dance." Mac's voice sounded soft and whispery, as if in a dream.

"I have something else." Harm's voice was unusually soft as well.

He opened a drawer in a table by the door and revealed a small, neatly wrapped package, which he handed it to Mac.

Mac accepted it, a question in her eyes.

"Open it." Harm urged.

Mac looked back down at the box. It was wrapped in light rose wrapping paper and had red, transparent roses covering it. She gently pulled off the wrapping paper, which Harm took from her hands.

She rubbed the soft velvet covering of the black rectangular box. She opened the box slowly, as not to break the serenity hanging in the air.

She gasped softly as she saw a golden rose, on an intricately linked golden necklace chain, lying on the ivory lining.

Mac looked up with sparkling eyes at Harm and wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. "Thank you Harm. This is the best birthday present ever."

Harm smiled and hugged her back, pleased to see he made someone he cared for so happy. "You're welcome. Happy Birthday, Sarah."

§§§

"Sarah . . . Mac, you should wake up now." Harm gently shook Mac's sleeping form, which was reclining on his shoulder.

After they had cleaned the dishes, or Harm cleaned the dishes and ordered Mac to relax, they had decided to watch a movie. Mac hadn't wanted to go home and Harm had wanted her to stay. They both mutually sensed this and had thought of the movie to preoccupy their time.

Mac stirred on the couch and lifted herself Harm's shoulder. "I'm sorry . . ." She hadn't mean to fall asleep on him, but the past few weeks of work had begun to catch up with her. She sat up, the gold rose sliding forward on her chest.

Harm smiled softly in the dark room, the TV the only source of light. "It's okay."

"What time is it?" Mac asked.

"11:30."

"Wow, I didn't mean to stay so late. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm glad you did."

Mac looked at Harm and their eyes met, even in the darkness. "Me too." She stood and Harm followed her to the door, helping her put on her coat. "I'll walk down with you."

They entered the cold night air and Harm wrapped a warm arm around her shoulder. "Drive carefully and call me when you get in."

Mac turned around and smiled. "I know I've said this a lot tonight, Harm, but thank you. This has really been the best birthday ever. Not many people have shown me the consideration in a year that you've shown me in one day."

"I'm glad I was there to enjoy it with you." Harm said.

Mac sighed a sigh of happiness inside. How had she ever found such a wonderful man . . . such a wonderful friend. That's what he was, a friend, right? Could there be more? Could your best friend become your boyfriend?

Mac stood up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll call you. Goodnight."

Harm watched her vet pull out of the parking lot before turning back to his apartment. "Goodnight." He whispered into the air, his breath hanging in a cloud for a few seconds after he left.


	5. Misfortunes

PART V

§§§

"Misfortunes, we are told, are sent to test our fortitude, but may actually be blessings in disguise."

Pride and Prejudice

§§§

JANUARY 24 Wednesday

8:00 EST  
JAG HQ

Mac walked into JAG HQ that day feeling refreshed and happy. Last night had been wonderful, almost magical, and she had fallen asleep with the vision of them dancing in her dreams. Maybe she should ask Harm if he wanted to do something later that evening or possibly that weekend. She was beginning to get used to them spending more time with each other, and liking it.

Mac sat down behind her desk and opened her briefcase, preparing to reach for a file. She saw a small cardboard box and pulled it out, smiling. She had received Chloe's birthday present that morning. She didn't have enough time to open it then so decided to open it when she got to work.

Now she eagerly pulled it out, opening it and pulling out a wrapped package inside. She tore the card on the front off first.

_Dear Mac,_

_Happy birthday! I bet Harm gave you a better present than this, but I tried to buy you a suitable birthday present. JUST KIDDING! I don't want to receive any hate mail from you. I hope you like it. It's nothing extravagant, but I've just finished reading it and decided to send you my special copy. It's pretty old, Martha had it when she was a child. I hope you will think of it as highly as I do. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! And give Harm a BIIIIG kiss and a hug for me. Hehe. Write back whenever you can and have a harry birthday!_

_Chloe_

Mac smiled at Chloe's letter. Never was one to cut around the bush, was she? Mac thought to herself.

She tore the paper on the package off and was surprised and intrigued to find a copy of Jane Eyre there. Smiling she stared at stained, hardback cover for a minute before reading the inside caption. She opened the book, deciding to skim a few sentences.

Instead, Harm found her this way, hunched over, reading the book, fifteen minutes later.

"Slacker." He accused jokingly.

"Huh?" Mac glanced up then back down at her book. "I was just skimming the first page . . ." That was when she realized she had read more than one page, and she wasn't skimming it. "Chloe gave it to me for my birthday."

Harm entered the office and glanced at the book. "Hmm . . . Jane Eyre. I heard it's a very good book."

"Have you read it before?" Mac asked.

"No . . . maybe I'll borrow the copy when you're done." Harm smiled.

The Admiral at that moment chose to walk by. "Do you usually read during work, Colonel?" He asked.

Mac shook her head with a "no sir", slightly embarrassed and stuffed the book and box into her briefcase. Would she ever live this down? She really hadn't meant to do more than skim a few sentences, but she had been drawn into it from the first sentence and couldn't help but reading further.

Harm saw she was at a loss for an excuse and decided to come to her aid. "Birthday present, sir."

"Ah, I see. Happy birthday then, Colonel." The Admiral said in a rare bout of outward friendliness.

"Thank you, sir." Mac said, surprised, staring at his retreating back.

Harm smiled at her. "You were a teacher's pet in school weren't you?"

"Ha ha. Hardly. I was one of those kids . . . " Nope, divulging too much information here, Mac realized. " . . . er, I wasn't one of those kids, like you." She retorted with a smile.

Harm made an unintelligent sound and turned to head towards his office. He stopped in the doorway and then faced Mac again. "Are you doing anything for lunch today?"

"Not that I know of . . ." Mac surveyed her desk flowing with an endless stack of paperwork. "Probably just working."

"Like usual." Harm said.

"Yes, like usual." Mac smiled uncertainly up at her partner, wondering where he was going with this.

"Well we're just going to have to change that." Harm smiled. "Come to my office at 12:30, or whenever you get out of court."

Mac smiled. "Alright."

Harm turned and left her office, leaving a bewildered Mac staring after him.

§§§

Mac knocked on Harm's door at 1:00 that afternoon.

Harm glanced up and smiled. "Thought you'd never get out of court."

Mac laughed. "Neither did I." She watched as Harm stood up and grabbed his cover. "So where are you taking me?"

Harm smiled secretively. "You'll see."

Mac groaned. "I'm beginning to think I don't want to know." But as she followed Harm to the elevator, she felt curious and excited.

1:15

Toni's Italian Restaurant

Mac smiled broadly as they pulled up in front of a familiar Italian restaurant. She turned to Harm. "I had forgotten about this place."

Harm smiled back. "I had too. I was driving past it the other day and thought we should come here."

"We used to come here like almost every week . . . it's was the regular Harm and Mac hangout." Mac smiled at the memories.

Harm nodded. "I'm hoping it will become once again the regular Harm and Mac hangout.'"

He walked around and opened the door for Mac, who was surprised but pleased at his chivalrous act.

They enjoyed a lunch at Toni's Italian Restaurant and returned to JAG shortly after, the break having refreshed them both. Mac seemed to make a sizable dent on the mountain load of files on her desk and Harm was fully prepared for his court case tomorrow.

As they walked out of JAG HQ that evening, Mac pulled her coat a little tighter around her.

"Wow, it sure is getting cold. The weather took a surprising turn all of the sudden." She commented, thinking aloud.

"It is. I've heard the meteorologists are predicting a big snowstorm next week."

Mac groaned at this. She loved snow but she hated driving with ice patches on the road. "Wonderful. All I want to do right now is take a nice long, hot bath and read the book Chloe's sent me."

'Can I join you?' Harm thought to himself and for a moment was afraid he had spoken out loud. Mac's nonchalant movement of unlocking her car and getting in assured him he had not.

"Drive carefully. And I'll see you tomorrow." Harm said as Mac rolled down her windshield.

"Yes mom." She joked. She actually appreciated his concern and had been missing it for awhile.

Harm shook his head and watched her drive away before getting into his own car and following her path.


	6. Moments

AN: thanks for the feedback :) I wrote this story a long time ago so if it's not up to par blame it on all the dust that is covering it.

Please review!

PART VI

§§§

"In the end, it's only the moments that we have, the kiss on the palm, the joint wonder at the furrowed texture of a fir trunk or at

the infinitude of grains in a dune. Only the moments."

Girl in Hyacinth Blue; Vreeland

§§§

FEBRUARY 2 Friday (a week later)

8:30 EST

JAG HQ

A week had passed and it was now Friday. The snowstorm the meteorologists had predicted had come and there was a good two feet on the ground, another expected to come. The roads for the most part were clear but, to Mac's dismay, were unpredictable at times. She was grumbling about them as she walked into the office that morning, running late and freezing.

"Hello Scrooge." Harm greeted her in the break room.

That brought forth another grumble from Mac. "It's not Christmas."

Harm smiled. He had a plan that would put her in a good mood. He wish he could enact it now, but it would have to wait. "Christmas is not a date, but a set of mind. Are you doing anything tonight?" He asked when they reached her office.

"No, but I really don't think I'd be much company today. I think I'll just go home, sulk, eat something fattening and read more of Jane Eyre. I'm really getting into it now. You should read in when I'm done."

Harm was glad to see she had stopped grumbling for a few sentences. "I don't care if you aren't in a great mood, I've dealt with you in all moods and like most of them, even if some are frustrating. But I planned something special for tonight. I'd really like for you to be there."

Mac glanced up and Harm and felt like saying no again. But the look on his face, a look of hope, changed her mind. "Ok . . . what's this special something."

Harm beamed, obviously pleased with himself. "Meet me at O'Tooles tonight at 7:00, ok?"

Mac gave in with a smile. "Ok."

"And dress nicely."

Mac shook her head. She was beginning to think he kept asking her to do stuff so he could see her dressed up. Not that she minded . . . if that was the case. "Alright, Rabb, I'll be there."

Harm grinned and left the office, wanting the day to end.

BELTWAY

6:30 EST

Mac sighed as she drove along the road. She was exhausted and had a headache the size of Mount Rushmore. She had been running late getting out of work, was currently stuck in traffic, and would probably not make it to the restaurant on time. The only thing that had pulled her through the extra-long day was this "special something" Harm was planning for her. The look in his eyes would have made her go out with him any night, even if she had the flu. 'How can you turn down a Rabb?' She thought to herself and smiled.

She was so absorbed in her thoughts she didn't see the ice patch in front of her. It took her a moment to react as her car began to spin and she tried to steer her car to safety, but her vet was busy doing a three sixty and not paying any attention to her.

It seemed to take an hour for the car to stop, but it really only took a few seconds. When it did, it was with a sickening crash against a cement barrier. Mac's head smashed into the side window and the last thing she thought about was Harm.

O'TOOLES RESTAURANT

8:00 EST

Harm had long ago begun to worry. It was an hour after Mac was supposed to be there. He had kept trying to tell himself she got caught up in traffic or maybe was spending a long time choosing the perfect outfit for tonight. But those thoughts grew old in the first fifteen minutes. Besides, she would have called him if she were running late. She had a cell phone and knew his cell phone number. Besides, she wasn't answering her cell phone, he had already tried calling it . . . every five minutes.

A couple of minutes later his phone rang and he flipped it open with a hurried flash.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Rabb?" An unfamiliar voice said.

"Yes?" His voice was breathy and fast.

"Mr. Rabb, you were listed in Ms. Mackenzie's emergency phone list. We need you to come down to Georgetown Hospital."

"Is everything alright? What happened?" 'God, please don't say something bad happened.' Harm could barely control his shaking, not to mention the questions racing through his mind at a pace that left him dizzy.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, Mr. Rabb, but Ms. Mackenzie was in a car accident. She was brought in a little while ago. We had trouble finding her emergency contacts –" Harm didn't hear anything else. He snapped his phone shut and was racing out the door, his heart pounding in his chest. She was all right. She had to be. If she wasn't . . .

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

GEORGETOWN HOSPITAL

Harm raced through the hospital doors, his sight slightly affected by tunnel vision when he saw the nurse's desk. He immediately headed over to it, ignoring anything that may be in his way.

"I was called for Sarah Mackenzie. She was just recently brought in from a car accident." Harm stammered out in a rush. He had never been here and didn't know what to say. He wished he weren't there. It wasn't right . . . it didn't feel right. He wanted to be at home right now, reclining on the sofa, holding Mac in his arms. This had to be a nightmare . . .

The nurse made a quick call before looking back up at him. "Head up to the third floor. There's a nurse's station right across from the elevators. Inquire for Nurse Kelly Marshall there."

Harm thanked her before dashing off towards the elevators, his anxiety rising with each level.

"Mr. Rabb, please take a seat over here…" 'before you have a heart attack.' She finished in thought. Then Kelly Marshall directed Harm to the waiting room. She had seen the handsome man all-but-run to the nurse's station and had immediately approached him. When she found out he was looking for Kelly Marshall, she told him he had found her.

"Miss Mackenzie is still in surgery, sir, but when she is out, I'll have the doctor come talk to you." Kelly said.

Harm nodded, the shock starting to wear off and the impact of everything suddenly started to sink it.

"Is there anything you need?" Kelly asked.

Harm shook his head.

"If there is something you need, I'll be at the nurse's station. There are some magazines." She waved her hand to a table beside him. "It could be awhile." She said sympathetically.

Harm thanked her softly before watching her walk away. Good. She was leaving. He wanted to be alone. To get a grasp on everything that had happened in the past hour.

He glanced uninterestedly at the magazines. He had no intention of picking one up right now. Not until he found out about Mac. He knew he should contact the Admiral and let him know, but somehow he couldn't summon the courage to get up, not to mention walking over to the phone.

He rested his head in his hands, his mind feeling muddled. The exhaustion from worry and anxiety lulled him into a restless doze and he didn't know how long he had been in a half-sleep, half-awake stage until a gentle hand shook his shoulder.

Harm snapped his eyes open, somehow hoping it would be Mac. No such luck.

"Commander Rabb?" The man before him asked.

Harm nodded.

"I'm Dr. Atwood, I performed surgery on Miss Mackenzie. She's out of surgery now and we have just moved her to her room."

Harm leapt up, eager to see her.

Dr. Atwood placed a soft but firm hand on Harm's shoulder. It wasn't until Harm looked into the surgeon's eyes he knew he didn't want to hear what Commander Atwood had to say.

"Mr. Rabb . . . Miss Mackenzie slipped into a coma shortly after her car accident. I'm sorry." Harm didn't hear much after that. The doctor was explaining what had happened, but Harm wasn't retaining much. Not that he was trying to. Mac was in a coma. He had heard that and it was enough for him. "She also sustained some damage to her abdominal area, which we have repaired with surgery." The doctor paused, seeing Harm's stunned expression. "Is there anyone we can call for you?" The doctor asked.

"I'll call them in later. Can I see her?" Harm asked, his voice holding a distinctly shaky tone.

Dr. Atwood paused then nodded. It wasn't likely his patient would improve greatly any time soon, if at all, and he sensed it would futile to keep the naval officer standing before him away.

He led Harm to the room and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Commander Rabb, I just want to prepare you. There are a lot of tubes and remember, she's just out of surgery, so she may not look like she normally does. But talk to her, patients in comas can sometimes hear what you're saying."

Harm nodded and waited for the doctor to turn and walk away before placing a trembling hand on the suddenly heavy wooden door. It was now or never . . .


	7. Promises

its really pathetic how much reviews makes me happy. but make me feel pathetic anyways.

PART VII

§§§

"God does what he promises . . . He gives us new strength for each day, but He won't take care of tomorrow until it comes. And we can't either."

Eagle's Wings; Snelling

§§§

Nothing could have prepared Harm for what he saw. The once radiant Mac was now pale and unmoving. She seemed as if she would be carried away if a sudden gust of wind swept through the room. If a person could be transformed from what looked to be perfectly healthy to approaching death within a couple hours, Mac did a fine example of that.

Harm approached the bed and took a seat on a chair beside it. It wasn't until he saw all the tubes up close and her pale face that matched the sheets that he allowed the first tears to fall. And when they did, they cascaded down his cheeks like the snowflakes pouring down from the sky in their icy trance. The cold night sky looked in and saw a man sitting at the side of her bed pouring his tears out, a man that had held love, the purest kind of love, in his heart for too long. A man that had always repressed his hearts' tormenting rage and was now realizing it might be to late.

§§§

Harm heard a knock on the door a few minutes later and wiped the remaining tears away.

The door opened and he was welcomed with the familiar sight of Kelly Marshall.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Rabb, but I wanted to give you these things. They were found with her when she came in." Kelly stepped forward and handed Harm Mac's purse and a small plastic bag. "If there's anything you need, just let me know." She had turned to leave but turned back around. "And I thought you'd like to know Dr. Atwood has lifted rules of visitor's hours for you."

Harm smiled, knowing she probably played a key role in persuading the doctor to do so. "Thank you Kelly."

The nurse smiled before exiting the room, shutting the door behind her softly, an extra prayer going heavenward for the man and woman in that room. She had a feeling God would greet in heaven not one, but two of his children, if that woman died, and she prayed that wouldn't happen.

Harm spent a few minutes staring at Mac and stroking her hand where there were no tubes. Suddenly remembering what Kelly had brought, he placed Mac's hand on the bed and reached for the small plastic bag.

It contained Mac's college ring, dog tags and watch. He opened the bag and poured the contents out onto his palm. He saw a sparkle of gold and sifted through the contents in search of it.

A stray tear fell when he pulled out the rose necklace he had given Mac for her birthday. It glistened in the soft light above Mac's bed as if whispering to Harm everything would be alright. It seemed it should be carried by someone who had all the hope in the world, hope that Harm didn't have.

He placed Mac's jewelry back into the plastic bag and then reached for her purse, preparing to stick it in there. He saw the copy of Jane Eyre and pulled it out, a sad smile cresting his face. She had been so enthralled with the novel . . . He flipped it open to her dog-eared page. He knew she would have been reading it at that moment, after their dinner. She would have wanted to finish the novel . . . and if Harm had anything to do about it, she would finish it.

"The din was on the causeway: a horse was coming; the windings of the lane yet hid it, but it approached." Harm's strong voice, a little smothered by sadness yet holding a familiar note of strength, sliced through the air, just loud enough for Mac to hear. He stopped and glanced up at her still pale face and gave a little shuddering hiccup. Taking a deep breath and forcing himself to be strong, strong for her, he continued reading. "I was just leaving the stile; yet as the path was narrow, I sat still to let it go by."

§§§

I had not been walking for some time, with my rest on the edge of the road, and had become cold once again. It reminded me of days at my childhood boarding school, but nothing was that dreadfully cold.

I reached down to tie my shoelaces and begin jogging again, waiting for the jogger I heard coming to pass me on the narrow lane. He came into sight and I saw a golden form bound before him, some breed of dog, but I could not detect what. The jogger was a tall man with extremely long legs and was very well built, his speed a racing pace.

I had turned to go on my way when a loud sound attracted my attention and I turned back around. It appeared the man had slipped on a sheet of ice and was struggling to get up. The dog, unsure of how to help his master, approached me.

"Are you injured, sir?" I called out. I heard a few curse words exclaimed and his attempts to get up were so vigorous I didn't think he appeared injured.

I was in the mood for being helpful and approached him. The man had managed to find a bench to sit upon and was gingerly prodding his ankle.

"Just twisted my ankle. I'll be fine. I don't need your help."

"I can't leave you alone, sir, in this condition. It's getting dark." I protested.

The man stood up. "It is. You should be heading home." His voice was gruff and stern and normally I would have left if a stranger had told me he didn't want my assistance. But something compelled me to help this man.

"I was just out for a late jog, since I have been busy all day. I'm getting ready to circle back. I come from only a short distance away. From Thornfield Mansion."

The man didn't seem to care about this piece of information much. Or if he did, he did not show it. "And you live there?"

"Yes, sir. I'm the secretary to Mr. Rabb."

He nodded and grimaced again. "Have you seen this said Mr. Rabb?"

"No, sir. He travels a deal. I take care of affairs here while he is away."

"Well, then if you would kindly help me stand, I would appreciate it." He said, his tone still gruff and hard.

I assisted him and he placed a hand on my shoulder, leaning heavily on me. "Excuse me," he said, "necessity compels me to make you useful." He found a large stick suitable for a temporary crutch and began limping away. "Hurry home back to Thornfield Mansion. It grows late."

I nodded and watched the man continue down the trail. "Come, Jingo!" He called and the dog followed him.

I continued jogging down my trail and it was half an hour later when I reached Thornfield Mansion. I did not like entering its atmosphere again, it felt so confining. But I knew I must. I had no other options presented to me, and I was now at Thornnfield Mansion, Secretary to Mr. Rabb, a wealthy merchant whom I had never seen and who Mrs. Fairfax, the house keeper, spoke highly of.

I could hear the fire crackling in the fireplace in the drawing room and headed up to my room. I quickly showered and changed into a fresh pair of jeans and a clean shirt before heading back downstairs.

Something caught my eye as I passed my master's room, which was normally unoccupied. Now there was a fire blazing in front of a large four-post bed and a dog lay leisurely at its hearth. I paused, startled, for a moment, but on a hunch, I knelt and whispered, "Jingo." The dog snapped up its head and stared at me with its liquid brown eyes. I stood up and waved Mrs. Fairfax over as she was about to pass me in the hall.

"Mrs. Fairfax, could you please tell me whose dog this is?" I asked.

Mrs. Fairfax nodded. "It's the master's. He just came in this afternoon." She nodded to the basket of knitting she was carrying. "I just came up to get my knitting, to keep the master company. He's in the drawing room now, the doctor is looking at him."

"Did he have an accident?"

"Yes, he came back while you were out this afternoon and decided to take a jog just an hour or two ago. He had a nasty slip on the ice and twisted his ankle."

I nodded, realization dawning. I watched Mrs. Fairfax descend the stairs and headed back to her room, thinking all the while.


	8. Tribulations

PART VIII

§§§

"Tribulation is treasure in the nature of it, but it is not current money in the use of it, except we get nearer and nearer our home,

Heaven, by it."

Mediation 17, Donne

§§§

Harm hadn't known he had fallen asleep until a hand shook him awake a few hours earlier. He jerked his head up from where it had fallen on the bed and was greeted with the concerned face of the Admiral. Then it all came flooding back to him. He had thought it had been a dream and he would wake up, go to JAG, and be relieved to see that Mac was all right. No such luck.

"Harm, you should go home." The Admiral suggested softly.

"Sir, how did you find out? I meant to call . . ."

"She's my Chief of Staff, Harm. I was going to find out, no matter who told me. And you have enough on your mind, I'm glad you didn't deal with the task of calling me."

Harm nodded and glanced down at the fallen book on the bed and placed it on the table beside the bed. He then lifted his eyes to Mac's face and sighed. How had this all happened? And why?

"Harm, she'll be alright." The Admiral said.

"I know, sir." But he really didn't know.

"It's AJ here."

Harm nodded.

"Why don't you go home to get a little sleep? I'll stay here and call you if anything changes." AJ suggested.

Harm sighed. He knew the Admiral was giving a suggestion, but would make it an order if Harm didn't obey. And he didn't have any energy left to argue.

He stood and placed a warm hand on Mac's cheek, startled at how cold it was. He leaned down and kissed where his hand had been. "I'll be back in a little, Marine. I'll see you in the morning, when you are awake, when I can see you smiling again." Harm had to bite back a sob as he smoothed a hand across her forehead. He turned to AJ, "Promise to call me, if anything, anything at all, happens?"

AJ nodded. "Promise. And get some sleep."

Harm nodded. "Thank you, sir." With that he turned and left, preparing to head out into the night air, the snowflakes still falling in a steady rhythm.

§§§

"I see you struggling, and I know the anguish of your soul. I know it seems as if I've forgotten you, but your troubles are only temporary."

Psalm 22:24, 31:7, 2

§§§

That night I was requested to the drawing room with Mr. Rabb and Mrs. Fairfax. A fire was blazing in the fireplace and I took a seat in the corner. Mr. Rabb was facing the fire and Mrs. Fairfax was knitting in the corner.

I saw there silently for a few minutes when Mr. Rabb spoke. "Pull your chair closer, Miss Mackenzie."

I pulled my chair a little closer and then stopped, hoping it would satisfy him. I did not want to get too close.

He turned his head towards me, the light of fire flickering in his eyes and on his broad forehead. "Come further! I will not bite."

I pulled my chair a few inches closer, relieved when he did not urge me any more. The heat from the fire was suffocating and I wished for a break from his presence.

"When did you come here?" Mr. Rabb asked, turning his head to stare once again at the fire.

"I posted in the paper about needing a job. Mrs. Fairfax contacted me about the position of a secretary."

He nodded. "Where were you before?"

"At Lowood School, sir. I was a student, then became a teacher."

He turned to me, this time seeming to keep his eyes fixed there for more than a second. "Ah, that explains your disposition."

I remained silent at this, unsure of how to interpret his statement.

"Have you had much skill with secretary's work?" He asked.

"A little."

"You fall over backwards with modesty! You have done wonders with the organization here."

"It is my job." I wished for nothing more than at that moment to escape to my room. Never before had the drawing room seemed so confining.

He asked me about my previous history and how I liked Thornfield Mansion. It was nearing nine o'clock when Mrs. Fairfax announced her departure. Mr. Rabb seemed either unmoved or relieved by her statement.

"I should retire, too, sir."

"So soon?" He asked, somewhat gruffly.

"It had been a long day."

"Very well." He bid me good night and I exited the room, feeling much less relieved from the escape than I had imagined.

§§§

Mr. Rabb was very preoccupied for the next few days with work and it wasn't until a week later that we got another chance to talk. During that time I worked harder than ever in maintaining the tedious organization system I had set up and performing any work Mrs. Fairfax directed to me.

I also found, during this time, that walks through the corridors of the extensive mansion proved salutary. The tapestries and portraits were an excellent source to pass the time. It wasn't until later that week, the day that I finally got a chance to discourse with Mr. Rabb, that an event occurred which unnerved me for some time.

I had just begun my trek up the hall and was preparing to head back down it, when the most demoniac, evil laugh I've ever heard echoed from a nearby chamber. I froze in my tracks and listened intently. I was about to think myself truly certifiable when the laugh resounded. I could not help but pale and inhaled a shallow, shaky breath. The sound reached my very marrow and it would no doubt echo in my mind throughout the day. I hurried down the hall before I could recall the sound again and was preparing to descend the stairs, unconsciously fleeing from the sound, when Mr. Rabb encountered me.

"Miss Mackenzie, you look pale. Has something disturbed you?"

"No sir." I silently cursed my shaky voice.

He gave me a skeptical look and was about to proceed in his interrogation when Mrs. Fairfax called me, requesting my help.

I eagerly descended, still frightened by the sound, unaware of a pair of eyes staring after me.

§§§

Harm had taken up residence by Mac's beside, alternately sleeping and reading _Jane Eyre_ to her. It helped him get his mind off of everything and he found it as a great escape. He had only gone home to shower and change. It did all his sleeping by Mac's beside.

Everyone had tried to convince him to leave, but as usual, it just made Harm more stubborn. He wasn't going to leave until she woke up. If she woke up. He caught his mind as that thought flitted across it and changed it to when she woke up.

It had been three, long, torturous days since Mac had gotten in the car accident. Three long, torturous days since he had heard her musical laugh. Three long, torturous days since had had seen her smile. The smile that could like an entire city. He knew because it lit his heart like that.

Harm got up and walked to the window, placing his slightly shaking hands on the windowsill. As a few hurried snowflakes descended from the sky above Harm did something he hadn't done in years. He prayed.

§§§

It was after my encounter with the sound that I had a chance to talk with Mr. Rabb. I was taking a walk around the grounds, peering up at the house every so often, when I saw his figure approaching through a nearby path. He waved for me to stop and I greeted him at the gate.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Rabb."

He nodded in return with his somewhat gruff attitude. The attitude I had grown to accept and to admire.

The sun that day was obscured by the clouds, but a few rays peaked through the veil. They attempted to warm my face but I found the air still slightly chilly after the morning rain.

We talked for awhile, discussing his business and then strayed to less business-related topics. Presently, he asked me a question, which baffled me somewhat.

"Ms. Mackenzie . . . how do you like Thornfield Mansion?"

"Very much, sir. It is a beautiful mansion."

He nodded. "Typical response from you. Subtle and vague."

I didn't know how to perceive his statement so I remained silent.

"I do not like it. It's a blasted place. Look at those windows! They are clouded over with grime and shame. The walks are overridden with weeds and the roses are withering in the sun."

I glanced around only to find each statement proved false by contradicting evidence. The walks were clear and wide and the roses were blooming in the sun, as if declaring they would never die. I wondered what made him act this way and if I had not been so quiet in nature, I would have surely questioned his attitude.


	9. Invisible to the Eye

keep up el feedbacko. its like a good hallmark card. makes me feel all warm and mushy inside.

PART IX

§§§

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

Antoine de Sainte-Exupery

§§§

I had begun to forget about the demoniac laugh I had heard until an incident recalled the sound to my memory. It was a few nights following my baffling walk with Mr. Rabb that I pondered over the talk and what he had said. I wondered when he would leave again. Mrs. Fairfax had said he rarely stayed for over a fortnight. When would he leave? Tomorrow? Perhaps not for another week. Maybe he would stay until spring. I had just begun to doze into sleep with these thoughts on my mind when I heard that laugh that managed to shake me to the core. I supposed it to be part of the dream I had just fallen into when it became louder and unmistakable in reality. I sat up in bed with a start and stared at the door, where I heard the sound issuing from. I heard the door knob jiggle and the laugh again. As my bed was right next to the door, it sounded as if the voice was right next to my bedside. And as I could not see in the pitch-black room, I began to tremble slightly. It soon vanished softly down the hallway and it wasn't until I could smell the scent of smoke that I got out of bed.

I opened my door and peered both ways before venturing out. It was when I noticed a billow of smoke pouring from one of the rooms that I hurried down. It was Mr. Rabb's room. I quickly entered as my heart leapt to my throat. I grabbed his pitcher of water and poured it on his kindling sheets, which were dangerously close to his form, which was still in deep sleep, most likely stupefied by the smoke. With quick work I extinguished the blazing inferno and placed the pitcher back on the dresser. It was seconds later when Mr. Rabb awoke, cursing as he found himself in a bed drenched with water. He glanced around the room and as I lit a candle called out, "Sarah Mackenzie, is that you?"

"Yes sir. You should get out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold." Not to sound like a typical mother or anything, but I can be concerned about someone, can't I?

"What happened?" He exclaimed, shooting up from the bed and wrapping a rope around him.

"I don't know, sir. I was waken by a voice near my door. After it disappeared, I came out into the hallway and found your bed on fire."

He cursed and walked with swift, angry strides to the door. He turned back to me. "Stay here and don't move. You may put my cloak on to keep you warm." He draped his cloak over my shoulders before leaving the room.

He didn't appear for quite some time and I was ready to retire, even without his consent, when I heard his footsteps approaching. He entered the room and by the soft, pale moonlight, I could tell he looked tired and worn.

He explained it was one of the servants and I briefly pondered why he had not fired her, but was too tired to think about it too much. He stared out the window for a long time and considering myself free to go, prepared to depart from the room.

"What? You are leaving me already?"

"I assumed . . ."

"You assumed!" He exclaimed. "You saved me from an excruciating and horrible death. You saved my life. You thought I would dismiss you in such a manner?" He approached me and reached for my hand. "Good night." He said.

"Good night, sir." And I turned to leave, but he would not let go of my hand.

"What? You will go?"

"I am cold sir."

"Of course! You are standing in a pool of water." Yet he still held my small hand in his large one.

"I think I heard Mrs. Fairfax, move, sir." Said I.

"Then go."

And with that, I was gone.

§§§

I both wished and feared to meet Mr. Rabb the following day. I discovered he had made up a story in account of the incident and did not bother contradicting it. He had his reasons for what he did and I had no intention of butting my nose into them.

It wasn't until tea that I discovered where Mr. Rabb had gone.

"You looked flushed today, Sarah. Drink your tea." Mrs. Fairfax observed after a few moments of silence.

"I've never felt better." I lied.

Mrs. Fairfax glanced outside at the disappearing sun. Dusk had begun to fall and I was still wondering where Mr. Rabb was. "It was drizzling a bit earlier this morning, but on the whole, Mr. Rabb has had a favorable day for his journey."

"Journey! I did know he was out."

Mrs. Fairfax nodded, unaware of my slightly desperate tone. "Yes, he had gone to Mr. Eshton's place. He left shortly after breakfast."

"Do you expect him back tonight?"

"Oh heavens no! These parties usually last for a week or more. I don't expect him back for another fortnight, if that."

I tried not to show my disappointment.

"Dear, drink your tea."

I took a sip to please the persistent woman, but found it had no taste.

"Are there many ladies at the parties?"

"Yes, quite a few." Mrs. Fairfax answered. "Mrs. Eshton has three daughters, and oh yes, Mary and Renee Ingram. Renee is quite a beauty. Mr. Rabb seemed to appeal to her at the Christmas party at the Ingram's."

I remained silent and bid myself to be excused early from tea. I was quite exhausted from my restless sleep last night and was afraid my raging thoughts would voice themselves somewhat. "You are such a fool, Sarah Mackenzie. To think you could be of importance to Mr. Rabb. To please him and make him happy. A greater fool than you never lived."

§§§

It was approximately a fortnight or so later when Mrs. Fairfax received at telegram stating Mr. Rabb was returning within the week, along with the others from the Earnshaw party. Never have I seen a house in such a frenzy! The best linen was brought down, the draperies cleaned, everything dusted and polished. I was giving that week off of work to help clean. It felt like I was doing a good deal of the cleaning, but I wasn't paying too much attention to my tedious chores. I was concentrating more on the return of Mr. Rabb. Would he take notice of me? Surely he wouldn't invite me down to the drawing room with all the other guests. I could not stand that. The ignominious task of smiling when you don't want to smile . . . laugh when you don't want to laugh . . . pretend your heart is not breaking when it really is. I inadvertently shut off this trail of thought as I lost my precarious balance from the ladder, where I had been dusting the shelves. The next thing I knew I was on the floor, rubbing my shoulder which was throbbing painfully. Mrs. Fairfax came in as soon as she heard the noise.

"Sarah, dear, are you alright?"

'My shoulder isn't what's injured.' I managed to bite back. "Yes, I'm fine."

Mrs. Fairfax glanced at her watch. "Why don't you go shower and get dressed. They should be here around six."

I nodded absently and quickly finished dusting the shelves before heading to my room. Maybe I shower would help sooth my throbbing shoulder. Maybe it would help . . .

They came with an entrance grand and full of splendor, but I remained hidden in the curtains as I peaked out the window so as to not be seen. My eyes remained fixed solely on Mr. Rabb, cantering into the courtyard on his stylish Trakehner stallion, Montrour. I recognized, by Mrs. Fairfax's descriptions, Renee Ingram, riding next to him. Her horse was an elegant and obviously well bred mare. I judged it to be a Westphalian, by it's conformation and movement. Of course, my father had been a horse breeder, so I knew quite a bit about them.

She wasn't as fair as some of the other lady's, but her blond ringlets contrasted beautifully with her smooth olive skin. They glistened in the sun under her hat, as if laughing at me.

I tried not to look at Mr. Rabb, knowing every time that I did, a piece of my heart was torn away, but something drew my eye to him. He looked as handsome as ever and I sighed in relief. He was back. The two riders dismounted and the other guests disembarked from the carriages. I hurried upstairs before they could reach the door, but I heard from the top Mrs. Fairfax greet them, exclaiming at Renee's beauty. I headed to my room, deciding to pass the time straightening it up. I only had a few items that I owned myself, but I couldn't think of anything else to do.

As I was putting my things in order, I found an old volume of Emily Dickinson. Sitting down on my bed, I opened it, thumbing through the pages, worn with age. I skimmed over a few, uninterested for the most part. I came across a poem that appeared interesting and began reading, noting her unique writing style, but mostly paying attention to the poem.

"Hope" is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sing the tune without the words

And never stops at all.

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chilliest land

And on the strangest sea,

Yet never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

§§§

He closed the book and ran a tired hand across the faded cover. He glanced up in the pale and lifeless face of his partner. "I hope you liked that poem, Mac." Harm whispered into the still air of the hospital room. "I used to read Emily Dickinson all the time at my grandmother's . . . I thought I would read you some." Mac had been in the coma for five days now and as Harm stared listlessly at the book in his hands, he realized they were the longest days of his life. He sighed with frustration. "Mac, please wake up. I'll do anything if you'd just open your eyes." He attempted to keep his emotions at bay, but the lonely tear that forced its way out proved his tries were futile. "I love you."

§§§

Mac hadn't realized she had fallen asleep until she heard felt the soft whisper of the wind kiss her cheek. It was cool and soft and slightly comforting. And it wasn't until the first raindrop came through the window that she realized she had left the window open and then fallen asleep at her desk. She stood and shut the window, looking out at the sky overridden with grief and sorrow. She turned to the door as a knock resounded. "Yes?"

Mrs. Fairfax peeped her head in. "Mr. Rabb would like you to come down to the drawing room."

"I'm sure he was just being polite and I needn't go." 'Please don't make me go.'

"He said he would like very much for you to go. He also said he could come up and offer the invitation himself if you refused." Mrs. Fairfax's eyes pleaded for me to go then and not offer him any trouble.

"I will go." She shut the door and I reluctantly put on my best dress, a gray one and I only worn once at a friend's wedding. It was beautiful on me then, but I was reluctant to adorn it now.


	10. Dream

PART X

§§§

"Nothing happens unless first we dream."

Carl Sandburg

§§§

A fire was crackling in the fireplace and the hearth looked inviting, but I opted for the cold window seat, away from the other guests. Only a few took notice of me and offered me a phony smile, but I too took little notice of them. I was too busy watching Renee Ingram and Mr. Rabb, who were seated by the piano.

"Won't you sing for us, Mr. Rabb?" Renee asked.

"No, not tonight."

Renee Ingram, however, had different ideas. She seated herself behind the piano and shuffled through the music, finally selecting a piece. She related her choice to Mr. Rabb, who looked reluctant to sing, but did upon her insistence.

As they commonly did at these parties, Renee Ingram played and Mr. Rabb sang. Renee put in a flawless round, like I had expected, but I did not know of Mr. Rabb's talent. Until now.

I could relate his voice to anything . . . the sound of the wind, the sound of the waves, the mist eddying over the moors at dusk. Anything tranquil and serene. His voice was the one that 'perches on my soul . . . and never stops at all.'

He finished all too shortly and I was about to retire when I heard the women in front of the fire begin a discussion on secretaries. Assuming I would find it amusing to listen in for awhile, I prolonged by stay for a few more minutes.

"Yes, hired secretaries are the worst. We have our daughter, Laura, to do all our work. We could never trust anyone else." Mrs. Earnshaw spoke to the group, in obvious distaste to what another had said.

One of the guests leaned over and whispered something in Mrs. Earnshaw's ear. By her answer, it was most likely a statement regarding that a 'hired secretary' was in the room.

"Well I don't care! She ought to know her faults, anyhow."

Mrs. Ingram, Renee's mother, spoke up following this statement. "Yes, we had one once and it was a horrific catastrophe. It took months to reorganize everything after she ran her disastrous fingers over everything. I wouldn't trust them in a million years. I only trust friends and family to run businesses. I say a good business is headed by a good friend." With that she waved her glasses in the air carelessly, dismissing the subject. The resumed a previous subject I had not listened in on and I exited the room, more than ready to leave. I could not see how Mr. Rabb enjoyed the company of these people.

I noticed the strap of my shoe had come undone and bent down to tie it. As I was ready to stand back up, I noticed a shadow fall over me.

"Retiring so soon, Sarah?" Mr. Rabbchester asked in his soft, rumbling voice.

"Yes sir. I am tired."

"And hurt." He gestured to my hand, which was absently rubbing my injured shoulder. I quickly dropped it.

"No sir."

"Very well. But I would like you to come to the drawing room more often."

I parted, trying to hurry up the stairs.

"Sarah, what is wrong?"

"Nothing sir."

"Certainly. It looks like another word could bring a tear down from that eye. And alas!"

I quickly wiped the stray tear away, wishing I knew where it had come from. "I am tired sir."

"Good night then."

"Good night, sir." With that I quickly hurried to my room.

Reader, that following week was more torturous than I can say. I talked little with Mr. Rabbchester, now that he was further occupied, and spent most of my days walking about the garden or riding Misty, the pinto mare they used for farming. I had long ago given up walking around the halls. I had had a second encounter with the laugh and was now thoroughly baffled by the mysterious halls. Misty was a dainty mare, but sturdy and strong and I took a quick liking to her. The grooms didn't like me riding the more expensive Thoroughbreds, but I was satisfied with Misty. It's not the bloodlines or color that counts, but the disposition and willingness. My father always said it's the heart that makes a person what they are. Everything else is just adornment.

It was on one of my rides around Thornfield Mansion that I noticed a stranger walking on the road. I rode as close to the side of the house as I could, hoping to get a closer look at him.

He turned in at the Thornfield gate and quickly approached the door. Mrs. Fairfax answered it and the stranger addressed himself as Mr. Mason and inquired to as whether Mr. Rabb was home or not. Upon hearing he had left that afternoon on a short business trip, he looked sadly put out. Mrs. Fairfax said he could return that evening, but she suspected it would be the following morning.

The stranger acquainted himself with the lands for the next few hours and as I was cooling Misty down from a gallop, I saw him stare at the house for some time before heading down the road again. I later found out from Mrs. Fairfax he left only due to a pressing travel engagement.

I finished cooling Misty down and untacked her before heading up to the house. Something was astir. I could feel it.

§§§

Later that evening the guests were in the drawing room and Mr. Rabb was in his study finishing up some business work when he called me in. I ignored how my heart beat a little faster, telling myself it was because of . . . I couldn't form an excuse fast enough before I entered his study.

"Sarah, please take a seat."

Ever since we had been talking more and getting better acquainted with each other, I had noticed he had begun calling me Sarah more than Ms. Mackenzie or Mac, like most people called me. But I didn't mind it . . . not with him.

I took a seat in front of his desk and patiently waited for Mr. Rabb to finish his work. Presently he set his pen down and looked up. "Evening, Sarah."

"Evening, Mr. Rabb—"

"Harm."

"Excuse me?" I asked, confused.

"Call me Harm."

"Yes, sir . . . Harm."

He nodded. "How has everything been running while I've been gone?"

"Smoothly, sir."

He looked pleased. "Good. I like to check on how things are going when I am away."

"A Mr. Mason did stop by, sir." I said casually, thinking Mrs. Fairfax had already told him about the visitor.

His face paled slightly and it was a few more minutes until he seemed to have regained his composure. "Mr. Mason, you say?"

"Yes, sir." A suddenly noticed his ashen face and trembling palm. "Are you all right? Should I call Mrs. Fairfax?" A wave of concern washed over me.

He shook his head. "No, I will be fine."

I was still uneasy and wished very much to call for someone. He looked greatly apprehensive about something.

"Did he have anything to say?" Mr. Rabb asked.

"I don't know, sir. I was out riding in the pasture and saw a stranger walk to the door and leave shortly after talking to Mrs. Fairfax. I knew nothing of his whereabouts until I inquired to Mrs. Fairfax. I thought she had told you."

"No . . . no, she had not."

We chatted for a few minutes more about various things, mostly about this business, and once Mr. Rabb had regained his color, I began to feel more at ease, chalking his actions up to a rough journey.

He stood and headed towards the room connected to the drawing room. "Won't you join us, Sarah?"

"Not tonight sir. I am tired."

I thought he looked disappointed a second, but I was uncertain. The fire was casting shadows across his countenance, making me unsure of what it actually portrayed.

"Good night, then." He said softly.

"Good night, sir." I replied, heading up to my room.

§§§

The following few days were filled with little activity for me, but it was far from monotonous. There was little work to do and I spent as much time as I could with Misty. Mrs. Fairfax wanted me to drop a letter off in town for her and I mounted Misty, preparing for the short journey.

We set off at a brisk pace and I quickly lost myself into my mount's smooth trot. The sun cast large, dappled spots on the road, resembling Misty's skewbald coat. It was a lovely day and the air was warm, but chilled with each breeze. We reached town all too quickly.

I dismounted and tied Misty to a post before heading into the post office.

"Hello, Mac." Mr. Morgan, the postmaster, said pleasantly.

I smiled back. "Morning Mr. Morgan." I handed him the letter. "It's from Mrs. Fairfax to be sent to Haygrove."

He looked at the address and nodded. "Will do." I had turned and was ready to leave when he called me back. "I have some mail for you. You can take it back with you. It'll save my rider a trip to Thornfield Mansion."

I nodded and took the bundle of letters. "Thank you, sir." I exited the post office and was about to stick the letter into my coat pocket when I saw the one on top was addressed to me. 'Odd.' Was my first thought. I had no relations I knew who would want to contact me and little friends who kept in touch. I ripped open the letter and began reading with earnest.

_Dear Ms. Mackenzie,_

_Your Aunt, Mrs. Reed, would like your presence at Reed Hall as quickly as possible. She is dying and wishes to speak to you before she does._

_Sincerely,_

_Mr. Simpleton._

Short and sweet. I recognized Mr. Simpleton's name as my aunt's financial advisor. What struck me most peculiar was that I had not talked to my aunt in years. My father and mother had passed away and I was handed into her care. She most reluctantly took me in, probably because it was in my father's will, and despised me from the beginning. I left for Longwood boarding school when I was ten years old and had not heard from her since. Whatever she had to tell me must be important. I would leave for my home, a home I had long since forgotten, as soon as Mr. Rabb would allow me leave.

With that thought I quickly mounted Misty, who, sensing my urgency with her usual perceptiveness, quickened her pace without a cue from me.

§§§

Mr. Rabb was in the billiard room with Renee Ingram and some other guests when I returned. Knowing I had to leave that night, I abandoned all pretence, and knocked on the door.

"Come in."

He looked surprised when he saw me and I quickly approached him, wanting to leave as soon as possible. The room seemed very crowed all of the sudden. Renee Ingram drew away as I approached and I tried to ignore her look of disdain.

"What is it, Ms. Mackenzie?" He asked very formally.

"My aunt is very ill and wishes for my presence as soon as possible. I wish to go tonight."

If my presence has surprised them, this surprised him even more. He gestured for us to step out into the hall, which I gladly did.

"How long will you be?"

"A week or more sir. I do not know what she wishes to see me for. I have not spoken to her in many years."

Mr. Rabb nodded. "You may go. Do you have any money?"

"Some."

"Some." He seemed amused by this. "A typical Sarah answer." He pulled out some money from his pocket, money which I declined. "You must accept it. Consider it as . . . a portion of early payment for working."

I nodded. "Thank you, sir."

He seemed uneasy, like he had something to say, so I remained. "You will be back, Sarah, correct?"

I nodded. "Yes sir. I will try not to stay too long."

He smiled softly. "Alright then. I will see you upon your return."

I smiled back and before I knew what I was doing, kissed his cheek. I hurried to my bedroom to pack, still in a baffled stage of what I had done. As strange as it was, I had no regrets.


	11. Enlightment

wow. didn't realize how lazy I was until I got a full time job. so I kinda forget about this fanfic here. The more reviews I get the more I might remember ;)

PART XI

§§§

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

§§§

I arrived at Reed Hall, my aunt's home, worn and tired. The road to the house was bumpy and rough and all I could imagine was soaking in a hot bath.

Betsy, the maid from my former days, greeted me with a hug. "Sarah! How wonderful to see you again."

We exchanged warms greetings before she led me into the drawing room.

"Mrs. Reed asked for me." I said, hoping she would know what my aunt had wanted.

Betsy nodded. "Yes, she did. She is asleep right now, but you can talk to her tomorrow."

I nodded in agreement, a bit too tired to say much. Betsy served me dinner, warm soup with biscuits, just like the way I loved it when I was little. We talked a little longer and then she showed me to my room, noticing how tired I looked.

"Sleep in, Sarah. Mrs. Reed usually gets up very late due to her medication, so you'll have plenty of time to sleep in and talk to her after that.

I nodded. "Thank you Betsy."

I took a long soak in the bathtub, feeling as if something was missing. I went to bed with that feeling, hoping it would disappear by morning.

§§§

I had a headache in the morning as I got up and every time I sat down I grimaced. The ride to Reed Hall was truly horrific. I was a little anxious to see my Aunt, whom I have mentioned I had not talked to for quite some time. It was mainly curiosity, not compliance, which drew me to her room early that afternoon.

I approached her bed, which was lightly veiled with a drapery hanging from the canopy. I leaned over and stared into her pale face. Her breathing was labored and I could see she had begun to waste away, piecemeal, long ago.

A slant of light peeked through the curtains and she woke as its ineffectual warmth touched her face. She opened her eyes and tried to focus on the image before her. Me.

"Why . . . is that Sarah Mackenzie? Or is that your ghost . . . come to haunt me?"

"Yes, it's me." I was a little confused by her behavior. Why would I haunt her if I was a ghost? "No, I'm not a ghost." She appeared to really need the reassurance that I was standing before her, flesh and blood.

"Sarah . . ." Her breath was short and shallow. "Sarah, look in the drawer in the dresser . . . top right."

I walked over to the dresser and pulled open the requested drawer. Inside I found a letter, neatly folded and well worn. It looked like it had been read many times.

"Read it." Her whisper floated across the room.

I opened up the envelope and pulled the letter out, my curiosity now reaching its climax.

_Dear Mrs. Reed,_

_I would like for my niece, Sarah Mackenzie to come and live with me. Upon my death she shall receive all property and my estate in Medira. I am aware her parents have died long ago and it was not until just recently that I was informed of my niece's whereabouts. If you could reply, I would greatly appreciate it._

_Sincerely,_

_Matthew O'Hara_

It was dated twenty-one years ago. I looked at my aunt on the bed. "This was dated – "

"Twenty one years ago. Yes, I know."

I stared back down at the envelope before walking back to the bed. "Why did you not tell me about it?"

"I was mad at you. The way you came into my life so abruptly, the attitude you left with . . . before you left for Lowood."

I recalled a brief encounter before I had left, upon Mrs. Reed's insistence, to Lowood.

"You are a deceitful child!" Aunt Reed had called out into the still air of the dining room.

I had stood up from the table and walked right up to her. My little legs never trembled from anger so much. "I am not deceitful. If I were deceitful, I should say I loved you."

The words now came back to me like a slap in my face.

"Aunt Reed, I am sorry."

She lifted up a frail hand. "Don't. I am giving you this letter to let you know. You may write your uncle, but please leave me alone."

My years in the very strict, religious boarding school of Lowood taught me to forgive those who had trespassed me, and I wished her to know I no longer contained any animosity towards her. I placed a hand on her gaunt face. "Aunt, I hold no animosity towards you."

She turned her face away. It was clear she could never forgive me. I would have to move on.

I left the room with the letter in my hand, unsure of what to do now. If I responded, I could live on my own, move to the some distant country where I would never have to worry about anything again. But something held me back.

I descended the stairs and Betsy greeted me, inquiring if I was all right, saying I looked a little pale. I assured her I was fine, but said I would only be staying a few more days. I needed to return home. I caught myself with that statement, but was not really surprised. Thornfield Mansion had become my home. It was where I belonged. Even if Mr. Rabb loved Renee Ingram, I can not keep my heart from loving him. And for the first time since I had met him, I not only let my mind believe I loved him, but my heart as well.

§§§

The week passed quickly, almost too quickly. I was a little apprehensive about returning to Thornfield Mansion. If he found out about my uncle, would he let me go, saying I no longer needed a job? I wouldn't. Not if I responded right away. It was that thought that made me put off responding to my dear uncle, though I knew I eventually would. My uncle deserved to know about his niece, and I most earnestly wanted to know about my uncle.


	12. The Course of Love

AN:

EVERYONE thank you so much for your reviews. Only one chpt left. You have given me courage to post some other fics now - thank you :)

and yes, she's waking up soon:) thanks for the patience!

smithknk - the fact that you are reading Jane Eyre because of my humble fanfic is really the best compliment ever. Seriously. i have yet to read a novel that makes me feel romance is really true in the way Jane Eyre does. but i could go on and on... i'm obsessed (obviously). You will enjoy it, I promise. E-mail me when you are done and let me know how you liked it!

staz-I really appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to read my fic! I feel honored, really. i know how stressful exams can be and how little time there is to relaxing. good luck on those or if you already took them, hope you did well :)

now onto the story!...

PART XII

§§§

"The course of true love never did run smooth."

Emma

§§§

I left my suitcase at an inn near where I had been dropped off, intending to send a servant from Thornfield to pick it up later that evening, and decided to walk the two miles to Thornfield Mansion on foot. I had a lot to think about.

Would the party be gone? I hoped so. I was looking forward to a little time by myself. Well, not completely by myself. Just without the others . . . especially Renee Ingram. Just like I could not deny my love for Mr. Rabb, I could not deny my envy for her. My thoughts were still centered around her as I hurried my steps upon nearing Thornfield Mansion. I did not notice the figure sitting on a bench until I had passed him and he stood up. I jumped, startled out of my thoughts, and his warm hand steadied me.

I wished he could steady my heart as well, but I thought I should first concentrate on breathing again.

"Glad to see you are back . . . but where is your luggage?"

"It's at the inn. I thought it would do me some good to walk and it was too heavy to carry."

"It's a far walk, you should have called me. I would have sent someone."

I merely smiled, unsure of what to say.

"How is your aunt?"

"She passed away."

"I am sorry."

I heard it in his voice. The caring, compassionate tone. 'Don't look in his eyes.' Too late. I was loosing myself in them when he voice called me back to earth.

"You look tired. Why don't you join me for a late dinner?"

I agreed and we headed towards Thornfield Mansion.

§§§

After dinner I said I should unpack my bags, which Mr. Rabb had kindly sent someone to pick up for me. I hurriedly did so, anxious to head out to the stables and visit Misty. Two things drew me back to Thornfield Mansion. Mostly Harm, but I also enjoyed Misty a great deal.

I had cross-tied Misty in the aisle and had begun grooming her when I heard a soft voice in a nearby stall. I was startled, since I thought the stable was empty. I soon relaxed, however, once I realized it was Mr. Rabb tending to his Westphalian stallion, Samson.

A part of me wished I had waited a little longer to visit Misty and another part of me was excited about the prospect of having a conversation with Harm, the name I had begun referring to more often than Mr. Rabb.

He exited the stall and was about to leave the stable when he saw me.

"I should have known you would be here." He smiled.

I smiled back, willing my knees to remain standing and my stomach not to flutter. "I missed Misty."

"Just Misty?"

'And you.' "And Thornfield Mansion. I like it here."

He rubbed his chin before patting Misty's smooth coat. "I am going to get married, hopefully."

I will remember that day for the rest of my life. With one sentence my bleeding heart was wounded even further and my soul began crying the tears I physically couldn't When I dropped the currycomb from my hand, I jumped back in surprise, thinking it had been my heart that had made the clanking sound at my feet.

I forced myself to remain calm and maintain a cool façade. "She will be happy, sir."

"Sir? Please say you meant Harm." He laughed.

'I keep forgetting that.' I only refer to him as Harm in my dreams and thoughts. Or try to. Getting too personal will make the goodbye even harder.

"But yes, I hope she will be happy." He said, serious now.

"Are you si…Harm?" I turned to look him in the eye to see his reaction.

"Yes . . . very. I've never been so in love in my life." His eyes sparkled and for a moment I wished I could be the object of this love. But so much for dreaming. Dreams are a wonderful, amazing thing. They are what I live off sometimes. I know that sounds crazy . . . but it's true. They can also be cruel, though. When you wake up and look at the life around you . . . there's no feeling like the oppressing one you get after waking up from a dream.

"She is beautiful. I really can't think of many words to describe her except amazing. She makes my words jumble together." He smiled and I tried to smile back, but failed miserably.

"What is wrong?" The concern in his eyes made the tears lingering on the dam nearly spill. I couldn't answer that, even with a lie such as "nothing" so I decided to change the subject.

"Have you asked her yet?"

"No." He shook his head. "But I love her so much I won't rest until she says yes."

Those words brought forth a tear and he placed a gentle hand on my cheek, turning me towards him.

"Sarah, what's wrong?"

"Nothing . . . I think I got something on my contact." What? That was a lame excuse. His thoughts are not the only ones jumbled together.

"Sarah, you don't wear contacts." His voice was so sweet and gentle . . . I could feel my heart being torn into a million pieces, piercing my chest like tiny shards of glass. The tears spilled over my cheeks and he tried to brush them away.

"I guess I will advertise then? I'm sure someone needs a secretary." 'I can't stay here while Miss Ingram moves in, it would kill me.' My heart finished for me.

"Oh Sarah, don't you see?" He lifted my chin and forced me to look in his eyes. "It's you I want. It's you I love. It's you I want to marry."

Hmm…maybe dreams really aren't so bad. The feeling you get when you wake up can kill you, but the feeling you get when you dream can save you.

However, as he placed his lips on mine in a soft, gentle kiss, I knew I wasn't dreaming. This was real. He pulled away and smiled into my eyes. "Will you, Sarah? Will you be my wife?"

"Yes, Harm. Yes, I will be your wife." And I cried again, but this time with tears of happiness.

§§§

Harm woke when he felt a soft pressure against his hand. He stared into Mac's face. He felt her squeeze his hand. He wasn't dreaming. "Come on Mac, come on."

A nurse stepped into the room, preparing to check Mac's IV, when she noticed the patient seemed to be waking.

"She squeezed my hand." He whispered softly, as if speaking too loud would cause her to never wake up.

"That's a good sign. But don't expect too much too soon. These things take time." The nurse checked Mac's IV bag before leaving the room. She passed the Admiral on her way out.

"Harm." He said softly. When Harm didn't answer he raised his voice. "Harm."

Harm turned around to find his superior officer standing in the room. "Sir, she squeezed my hand."

"That's great news." AJ smiled. "And need I remind you that here it's AJ. Harm, you need to go home. You look like hell, no offense given."

"None taken, sir." Harm smiled. "But I can't leave now."

"Harm, look at yourself. You're about to drop dead on your feet. Please don't make me make this an order." AJ pleaded. 'Please don't make me do that . . . because I'd let you by with a DDO and I don't want a rumor being spread I'm too soft on my officers.'

"Sir –"

"Harm, I'll stay here while you get some rest. I know these words won't have any effect on you, but I'll say them anyway. You won't do her any good putting yourself in one of these beds next to her."

Harm wanted to argue further, but he was too exhausted, both physically and mentally. He placed a kiss on Mac's forehead before standing up to exit the room. He stopped at the door and turned around.

"Harm, go home. I'll call you if there's any change." AJ cajoled.

Harm nodded and walked out of what seemed like his temporary home.

§§§

The sun sparkled down through the trees like iridescent snow and Mac smiled as she walked down the aisle. This was her purpose . . . to come to Thornfield Mansion and fall in love and marry the man of her dreams. Why couldn't everybody be as happy as she was right now? Why couldn't everybody have their heart snatched away and never ask for it back? Because deep down inside, she knew some little girl, or young woman, or middle aged lady, was waiting . . . waiting for a man to take her heart, and only dreaming of him every night. She reached her future husband and smiled as he took her hand.

Harm sat reading more of the novel, Jane Eyre, to her, and was nearly finished with the book when he felt a pressure on his hand. It was a squeeze, just like before, but this time it was stronger. He looked up to see Mac's eyes fluttering. Before her dark brown eyes opened, a smile graced her lips. He wondered what she was dreaming about.

Mac opened her eyes slowly, as if weights were attached to them.

"Mac." Harm's voice was raw with emotion. He couldn't help the tear that meandered down his cheek.

Mac smiled and reaching up a weak hand wiped it away. "No more tears."

"That's what beauty does to me." He quoted from a movie he knew she loved.

Mac smiled at that.

"What were you dreaming about?"

"Huh?"

Harm grinned at her confused face. "You looked like you were dreaming."

"Oh . . ." Suddenly it all came flashing back to Mac and she smiled softly. "I was." Her eyelids began to droop.

"Sarah, no wait . . . I have something to tell you."

Her eyelids fluttered back open.

"I waited to long to do this and then I . . . I thought I'd never get the chance. I don't want to waste another second. Sarah . . . Sarah Mackenzie, I love you."

Exhaustion was seeping in, but she woke completely at that. Then suddenly her dream world and reality came combined in one eerie second. Suddenly the loneliness she had felt her entire life lifted. "I love you, too, Harm. I always have." Then, with a smile, she fell into an exhausted sleep.

Harm smiled, too, and suddenly the stress from the past few days floated away. He rested his head on the bed and draped his arm across her slender waist. For twenty some years he had wandered this world looking for his purpose. Now he had found it.


	13. The End

first. I'm really sorry this took so long to get out. It is a personal pet peeve when authors takea long timeto get pieces out. But I also understand why it happens - because we get busy. That being said, I want to thank all the people that continued to read my story and give me such WONDERFUL feedback. You all are amazing. I will be posting some of my other fic soon as well, so keep your eyes opened :)

And now onto el finale...

PART XIII

§§§

"Chains . . . they bind us, whether we want them to or not. But a heart without chains would have nothing to hold it, might simply blow away."

Into The Land of the Unicorns

§§§

Harm watched his soon-to-be-bride approach him down the aisle. The scene created was picturesque and he knew he would never forget this day. They had both wanted a winter wedding, with snow, and on this day in December, God was about to unite two souls who were destined to be together. They would get married, and then he was taking his wife to a relaxing resort. There was plenty to do . . . hike, ride the horses, take long walks on the beach . . . but given the time of year, it was too cold to get in. Even so, he know Mac would make it wonderful all the same.

Mac reached him and as he reached for her hand, the minister began speaking. Mac listened to his words and hung on to them, wanting to capture this memory in her mind for all eternity, but somehow she kept losing herself in Harm's eyes.

"You may kiss your bride," the minister said before she knew it and Mac smiled as Harm leaned towards her. Their lips melded together, as if they were made to fit together. But, Mac thought as she felt his strong arms circle around her waist, they did.

§§§

SUMMERHILL RESORT

VERMONT

1:35 P.M

Mac had never been happier in her life. Here . . . with Harm. She didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as she loved Harm. She wished everyone could be as happy as she was right now.

These thoughts drifted in her mind as she walked down the stable aisle at the resort they were staying at for a week for their honeymoon. The smell of horses, tack, and feed combined to make a heavenly scent. She peered over each stall door, admiring the horses' conformation and trying to guess their breeds, and was about to turn back when she saw that there was one more stall. Her eyes widened as she glanced over the door. The mare inside had exquisite conformation and her eyes sparkled like that of a loved horse. Her coat was radiant with brown and white splotches, each shining with equal brilliance. The horse, who Mac was sure she had never met before, looked strangely familiar. As Mac stepped back and glanced at the nameplate, her eyes shone with surprise, then happiness. For on the nameplate, inscribed with a fancy, cursive script was _Misty_.

"He sees not as man sees, but far clearer: judges not as man judges, but far more wise . . . I was forced to pass through the valley of the shadow of death. His chastisements are mighty; and one smote me which has humbled me for ever." (Mr. Rochester, Jane Eyre)

Still wondering what Tumainisha means? It's 'hope' in Swahili)

Also, all apologies to Charlotte Bronte. I took the liberty of borrowing

your story for a bit but I'll give it right back, I swear.


End file.
